My late grandfather Raymond Rouse holding my sister, Kim. My other sister Teresa is standing, and yours truly is riding on the sled.

December 21, 2009, 5:47pm.

I hate winter.  I hate cold, snow, ice, slush, wind chills, snow shovels, less than optimal driving conditions, and a general lack of fresh air.

I’m certain that when I was a child I enjoyed being outdoors during the winter months.  I recall hundreds of snow forts, snowball fights, sledding adventures, and building snowmen.  I even have a photo of me being pulled on a sled by my grandfather (see right), and yet today the thought of cold weather sends a chill up my spine – so does the thought of David Caruso trying to act, but that is neither here nor there.

December 21, 2009, 5:47pm.

I realize some of it has to do with getting older.  In fact, cold weather is the number one cause of senior infestation throughout the southern half of the lower 48.  I see other people my age snowboarding and skiing, but of course, I respect my neck and the fact it keeps my head attached to the rest of my body too much to attempt to pull a Sonny Bono.

I suppose I could try ice fishing, but I don’t even fish that often during the warmer months.  No, I think I have a legitimate reason for my illogical fear of cold weather.

December 21, 2009, 5:47pm.

It was a Friday in January of 1991.  I had loaded my Chevy van with as much band equipment I could fit.  We had an early gig that evening in Frankfort, IN and I thought I good head start on setting up would give us a chance to relax a little before we had to play.

I hit the road and started north.  The wind was brutal and there was near whiteout conditions from all the blowing snow.  The guy on the radio said the actual temperature was well below zero and that the wind chill was hitting a remarkable – at least for central Indiana – 60°.  That is NEGATIVE Sixty degrees Fahrenheit.  About 30 miles south of the road I was to turn on, the engine in my van seized up.  It just quit.

December 21, 2009, 5:47pm.

It was incredible how quickly the temperature inside the van dropped.  In less than five minutes, my hands were starting to get numb.

I was prepared – at least I thought I was. I had camping gear in the van, right behind my seat.  I pulled out the sleeping bag and two blankets.  I also had a ceramic heater that used propane.  I started the heater and rolled down the passenger window to create a vent for the heater.  Ah, almost toasty!  I bet I raised the temperature to almost 40°.

December 21, 2009, 5:47pm.

Of course, the heater lasted all of 10 minutes before it flamed out.  Turns out I had forgotten to replenish my propane tanks.  The weather was so bad that traffic was virtually non-existent.

I had started my journey at four in the afternoon and the van had died at 4:45.  It was now getting close to 6:30.  I had been stuck nearly two hours.  I was freezing.  The condensation created by the heater had frozen down inside the door.  I was unable to roll the window back up.  The cold air and snow were taking advantage of my disabled window to started a “10th Avenue Freeze Out” inside the van.  That was when I saw it, my knight in shining armor.  An Indiana State Police car with lights flashing.  I stepped out of the van and started waving a white towel around feverishly.

The car didn’t stop.  The car didn’t even slow down.  My hero had deserted me.

December 21, 2009, 5:47pm.

I got back inside the van, crawled into my sleeping bag and bundled up in the blankets.  The snow was nearly 8 inches deep on my passenger seat.  I was starting to get tired.  I knew that was a bad sign.  After all, if I died, who would tell this great story?

It was 7:45 when the car pulled up behind me.  I was barely awake when he tapped on the window.  I opened my eyes and heard “Bob?  Are you in there?”

Damn, it was Tim, the guitar player.  I went back and climbed inside his warm car.

December 21, 2009, 5:47pm.

We went on to Frankfort, had Jay follow us in his truck and we were only an hour late in getting started.  The owner of the bar was kind enough to let us off the hook.

This story explains why I hate cold weather.  They say what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger.  I say, what doesn’t kill you is there to serve you as a reminder of something you should never repeat!

December 21, 2009, 5:47pm.

Okay, by now you’re done wondering about the “December 21, 2009, 5:47pm” line.  Well, that is the exact time in the U.S. Eastern Time Zone when the Winter Solstice occurs.  This marks the moment when the days start getting longer again.

Please, I have to make my own little goals for making it through this crap.